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Trouble Among the Co-Workers |
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The truth is, this Webpage is not all peace and harmony. Sometimes we fight. Well, it's been quite a while since I wrote in, but here I am again. When I left off, Bill and Aaron had moved into the house for some reason, but they soon realized they couldn't stay. Bill moved into a friend's house, and Aaron did too. We still see each other now and then, and we're still friends. Now for the BIG news: A.J. and Grant moved out too. Grant moved to a volleyball "CAMP" [a.k.a. Cult] so he can master his destiny or something like that. A.J. moved into a dorm, so I'm pretty much stuck here by myself. They all still stop in from time to time, to go through the refridgerator and complain about the lack of food, but it seemed to me like I should get some more roommates. So I started the interview process. The first person I met was named Kyle Lebhart. He was a fellow punk who was really into the music scene. He worked at LWHS 89.9, and he went to concerts just about every other day. He's a really opinionated guy, with a lot of similar views to me. We got along pretty good, we like some of the same bands and stuff. I then interviewed Steve Molomon. He acted a lot like me on a permanent caffeine fix. We like some of the same bands, and he seemed like one of those people who you could talk about the good old days with. He's quite the lady's man, so maybe i can use that to my advantage. In the meantime, I decided to hang out with them for a while and see exactly what their deals were. I hung out with Steve first. We went to this coffee house called the Buzz, and they had this cool amateur film night. We saw some films by this guy (Andre something) and they were really good. One of them was one of those movies that you really don't understand what's going on, and it was the best one. This guy got his Christmas tree stolen or something, and he went nuts. Good stuff. Unfortunately, we had to leave after only about 30 minutes because his girlfriend had to be home early. It was great, because as we were waiting to get in, there were this kids who claimed they were 14, even though they looked 12, and me and Beth, the other girl who came with us, were insulting them and having a good time. Then this 20ish guy, who seemed to be under the influence of something, started chasing one of them around. It was hilarious. All in all, a great time. Then I hung out with Kyle. He just had some friends over to his current dwelling and had a fire, and we just sort of sat around and had marshmallows and hot dogs. It was really cool. We talked about opinions and stuff. It was different than going out, and it was nice. OKAY, I JUST REALIZED THIS REALLY ISN'T WORKING. IT'S TIME TO JUST BRING THINGS TO AN END. DISREGARD WHAT WAS WRITTEN ABOVE, AND READ ON: Well, welcome back to anyone who has kept up with our sheninigans. It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, Aaron and Bill have been here for a while, and they are getting along with AJ and Grant pretty good. A few weeks ago we all went out and saw Resident Evil. It was nostalgic for me and AJ, since we had beaten all the Playstation RE games together. We all thought it was pretty good, but later that night AJ, Aaron, and I were awoken by the sound of Bill and Grant screaming. Our first thought was "Oh great, another game of truth or dare gone hideously wrong." But when we entered their room (Yeah, I stuck Aaron in AJ's room and Bill in Grant's room, while i horde the big room with the cd changer and tv. Seems fair to me) they were just sitting in their beds, screaming like Celine Dion suddenly started giving a concert, only they weren't holding their ears. It turned out that the movie and convinced them that the house was built on top of a biological research center, and that the place had melted down and there were monstrosities digging through the basement floor. Aaron, being the genius that he is, decided to council them psychiatrically. He hypnotized them, and then he made them tell him about their childhood and aspirations. Then AJ and I told Aaron he had a phone call, and we messed with Grant and Bill while they were under. We convinced them that we are all-powerful beings (we almost said "omnipotent," but even under hypnosis they still would have thought we said "impotent") and that our names were Darnizok(me) and Bamanamahatput(AJ). Then we snuck out, and Aaron continued trying to help them overcome their fear, but to no avail. He got them out of the trance, and AJ and I decided to play the name game with Bill and Grant, just to see if it worked. We started with Aaron-Aaron-Bo-Baron and Banana-fana-fo-Fill. Then it was our turn, and it was soo funny. "Bamanamahatput-Bamanamahatput-Bo-Bamanamahatput, Banana-fana-fo-Famanamahatput, Fee-Fie-Mo-Mamanamahatput, Bamanamahatput." 20 minutes later, when they were done rhyming, it had actually lost most of it's humor, and AJ and I were making sandwiches. Ham on wheat for me, Turkey on rye for him. Anyway, Grant started getting online a lot to research zombies and biological warfare and stuff....and porn, of course. Always with the porn. He really didn't find any facts, but did order every Night of the Living dead movie from Half.com, and bought a lot of Grateful Dead cassettes. I was going to tell him that the Grateful Dead were a band from the 60s, but it was funny seeing him waste his money. He told us that zombies only existed in generally cold or damp places, which was a perfect picture of our basement. Bill started writing a musical about zombie slayers, and he thought if he put it on in the basement that it would scare away the zombies, but he was unsure how to get rid of the mutated monster things. The power ballad in the middle, "Munch on his Medula," was actually pretty good, except for the end when he put on a blindfold and spun around in circles blasting off a shotgun. ("Munch on his Medula..BLAM BLAM..Don't let my big head fool 'ya..BLAM BLAM..His brain is much more swell..BLAM BLAM..Now munch on this shotgun shell..BLAM BLAM." Gets me everytime) This went on for a while. Bamanamahatput and I...I mean, AJ and I...were getting kind of bored with putting raw hamburger in our hair and running around the house screaming, and Aaron was becoming frustrated. One day, as AJ and I were smashing up blueberries to use the blood-colored juice to write something on the wall in Bill and Grant's room, Brian burst through the door and went to his room (well, not his room, but the corner where we put all his stuff when he started staying at the old folk's home a lot) and started throwing his clothes in a suitcase. We asked him what he was doing, and he told us that he had gotten a raise at the old folk's home. They had bought him a condo in Florida so he could take care of old people in the state most overrun with them. He also said that we were all welcome to come. I hated the sun and the heat, so I told him no. Bill and Grant both realized that Florida climate was the antithesis of where zombies prospered, so they ran to their room and started packing in garbage bags, since they couldn't afford suitcases. Aaron said that old people down in Florida had a lot of money to throw around, and he could get enough money doing odd jobs to open his own psychiatry firm office thingy. I was upset to lose them, but I thought I still had AJ. It turned out that AJ's lifelong dream was to make a 50's-surferesque movie, and he wasn't going to be able to do it in Ohio, so he told me that he was also leaving. They tried to talk me into going, but I had signed a 30-year lease, plus I really hate hot weather and the sun and all. We wanted to go out and have one last party, but they all had to leave, since their plane was taking off in less than an hour. We had just enough time to say goodbye before they had to jump in the cab. (Apparently there are cabs in West Chester) Aaron and I did a hearty hand shake and compared our hot glue gun burns in a humorous retrospect. Bill and I talked about how much we hated our Spanish teacher in spanish, before saying "adios." Grant asked if he would ever see me again, to which I responded "Well, you gotta believe in fate-a, fate-a, fate-a....BABY!!" with Grant joining in at the end. Brian and I sang a round of "Skanky Angelique" before I signed a waiver saying that he had legal custody of the band name "Doogie Haaser and the Drag Queen Commode Monkeys." Finally, there was Scarecrow...I mean, Bamanamahatput...I mean, AJ. We shook hands and talked about when I first started writing about our sheninigans, like the time years ago when we were in our old house and Grant blew it up, and as AJ and Grant and I were flying through the window how AJ had spit at Grant but it had flown back and hit me in the face. (My earliest memory in my many years of writing Trouble Amongst the Co-Workers) The handshake turned into a one-handed back-slapping hug, which we split from looking opposite ways and rubbing our hair back. With that, they turned and walked out, leaving me to listen to the drip of water only audible when the mirth once provided by 3, then 4, then 6 friends was absent. I walked from room to room, remembering where Grant had shot at AJ and instead of killing him ended up curing his snoring. There was the computer where AJ and Grant had spent so many hours playing Everquest, and where AJ and I had recorded and produced our CD that almost made us millionaires. Such great memories from some great guys, and a part of my life I'll never forget. The End. |