NOTE: **** = Bleep Noise Kindergarten Crop [Scene from Kindergarten Cop - "So who you man" through "I'm the party pooper," freeze on last frame] Voice-Over: Kindergarten Cop, the movie that turned Arnold Schwartzenegger into a cinema legend. And now, you get a chance to see America's favorite duo in Arnold's stunning role. [Still image of Jay and Silent Bob] Voice-Over: It's Jay and Silent Bob in Kindergarten Crop. [Shot of Jay and Silent Bob sneaking around kindergarten building, see garden] Jay: Yo, check that **** out, we could probably grow some killer ****ing weed there, you tubby ****. You got the ****? Bob: (Reaches into coast, pulls out bag of weed) (They start sneaking over, door opens, teacher comes out) Teacher: Oh, you must be the new teacher. And I assume this is your aide? Jay: What the **** are you talking about ****? We just wanna get to the ****ing garden. Teacher: Oh, of course, all teachers are free to plant whatever they want. If you'll follow me. Jay: What the ****? Bob: (Puts hand over Jay's mouth, follows behind teacher) [Shot of Jay and Silent Bob at desk] Voice-Over: Roeper and Ebert call it "The...movie...of the...year." [Displays quote on screen] (Kid approaches desk) Kid: (Pointing to book) What's dat woowd? Jay: What's that matter you little ****, can't you ****ing read? (To Silent Bob) I got the munchies real ****ing bad. (To class) All right, you little ****s it's naptime. (Kids lay on the floor, close eyes. Jay goes to cubbies, grabs bags of chips and stuff, goes back to desk, starts eating, Silent Bob gives a "what about me?" look) Jay: (Throws a granola bar at Silent Bob) Here, have a ****ing granola bar, you tubby ****. Bob: (Looks at Jay angrily, picks up granola bar, eats it) [Shot of kids watching Pokemon] Voice-Over: And the New York Times raves "Jay and Silent Bob are...clever...and...appropriate...for children under the age of...6." Jay: **** this Japanese ****. (Switches TV to Salma Hayek dancing in Dusk Till Dawn.) **** yeah! [Shot of Jay and Silent Bob looking at garden] Voice-Over: So this holiday season, don't miss Kindergarten Crop. Jay: ****, weed takes a long time to grow. Let's get the **** out of here. Bob: (Nods, pulls 2 skateboards out of his jacket, they skate away) [Credits appear on screen] Voice-Over: (Quickly) Also starring Woody Allen. [Fades to black]