Eric's House of Boredom

[Shot of Eric, dressed up like bad salesman, with slicked-over hair, acting badly]

Eric: Are you bored?  Do you think you've got nothing to do?  Well, you're not alone.

[Shot of pie chart]

Eric: Scientists recently discovered that nearly 2/5 of the population of the USA is described as being bored.

[Back to original shot]

Eric: And now, you can meet some of them, at Eric's House of Boredom.  Hi there, I'm Eric.  Let's see what some people have said about it.

[Shot of Guy 1 one couch watching TV, Eric enters]

Eric: Hey, what are you watching?

Guy 1: I don't know, some church guy talking about something.  It's pretty boring.

Eric: (Looking at camera) And you wouldn't expect anything less from Eric's House of Boredom.

[Shot in basement, Guy 2 sitting on couch, reading a book.  Eric enters]

Eric: Say, what are you reading there?

Guy 2: The "H" edition of the encyclopedia.

Eric: Hey, can you tell me Hawaii's state flower?

Guy 2: (Flips through pages) No, this was made in 1939. (Flips through pages) Hey, whatever happened to this Hitler guy?  Did he win?

Eric: There's lots of fun stuff to do.  You can play hide and seek.

[Shot of Guy 3 closing eyes]

Guy 3: Ready or not, here I come.

[Zooms out to reveal there is nowhere to hide, people just standing around]

[Different shot]

Eric: And there's all sorts of other stuff to do.

Guy 1: I'm tired.  Can I go to bed?

Eric: No, then you'll miss the Martha Stewart marathon.

Guy 1: Aw, man. (Walks away)

Eric: So remember our motto, "If you're so bored you don't feel like writing, come on dow."

["Eric's House of Boredom" on screen, fade to black]